Most people think that the couples that fight the most are the ones who are most likely to not stand the test of time. So is that true? Surprisingly, the answer is ‘not necessarily’. The couples most at risk of breaking up are those whose friendship has deteriorated. Let me explain. Friendship is the foundation of every great Relationship. I don’t mean you have to start out as Besties. I mean that when you first got together, you liked each other, you liked hanging out together, you laughed together and you were friends. It’s from here that everything starts and grows and blossoms into something more. Everything else including your connection, intimacy and passion are based on the quality of your friendship. In the beginning of Relationships we’re a great friend to our partner. We are kind to each other, go out of our way to help each other, care for each other, give each other the benefit of the doubt, forgive each others faults, respect one another, say sorry when we have wronged, take influence from each other and are generally nice to each other. But over time, we get busy with work commitments, maybe add in a couple of kids (or more) and life gets hectic. This is often when we’re at real risk of not creating time for our friendship – so we stop giving and doing all the things that keep our friendship strong. We start to speak to each other in ways we never imagined – we call each other names, we roll our eyes or give up even trying. Your friendship however is like the foundation of a house, and your family and life that you’ve built together is the house. If the foundation gets a crack in it, or even a few over time, what’s going to happen? That’s right, the house is in jeopardy, and it may even fall down. This is exactly what happens in relationships when we don’t invest enough time and effort into them. If we don’t look after the most CRUCIAL ingredient in keeping your family happy, strong and together, (the FRIENDSHIP) the cracks start to appear. For some couples the friendship was never particularly strong in the beginning and this is like building a house on shaky foundations. So how do you start getting your friendship back or strengthening it? Here are some basic rules:
- No name calling – When you fight or in everyday conversation there is absolutely no name calling.
- Be kind to each other – what you may think is being kind might be different to what your partner thinks is being kind. A good place to start is to do some of the nice things you used to do for each other.
- If you go and see any relationships counselor or psychologist in the world they will all give you the same piece of advice – date nights!
When you spend time together, you remember how much you like each other, you have fun, you see qualities in each other that you don’t get to see when you are being mummy and daddy or worker or householder. That part of each other that you fell in love with is still in each of you; it’s just buried under time pressure and lots of ‘stuff’ to do. So you MUST give it time to come out again, to be together as a couple, to be FRIENDS – remember your whole family depends on it (no pressure). BUT YOUR WHOLE FAMILY DEPENDS ON IT! Bec XX REVIEW YOUR FRIENDSHIP: The best place to create change is within yourself, so here are some questions to help you evaluate your friendship:
- When we first got together we got along well together because we …………………………..
- When we first got together I was a good friend for my partner because I ……………..….
- When we first got together my partner was a good friend to me because they did ………. and they were ..…………………………………..
- The thing I really miss about the friendship we had is ……………………………………………….
- The things we used to do to have fun were …………………………………..…………
- The things that used to make us laugh were ………………………………………………………
- I knew my partner was the one for me because ……………………………………………………..
- The one thing I can do this week to try and be a better friend is …………………………………..
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